can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
