I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
