watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
