He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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