I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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