Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
