i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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