Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
