Have you finally orgasmed yet?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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