Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
