okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
