Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
