You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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