Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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