I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
