Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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