You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
