i wish starbucks made bloody marys
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
