I faked an abortion last night.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
