I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
