Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
