New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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