Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
