i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
