I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
