i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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