According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
