He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
