I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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