can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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