I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he thought i was a dude.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
