dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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