is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
you inspire me to be a worse person
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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