You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Brb crying the tears of my youth
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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