are you so shy because you have an std?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
