How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
