I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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