Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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