i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
