What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
