you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
