She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
