you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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