dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
