Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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