she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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