It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
