Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
