The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
