do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
