I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
